The View From My Knees

Why would I call some stranger that emails me in all caps without even saying anything to tell me about who he is?

Perhaps this site can help you do better next time.
http://www.cluechick.com/2006/05/please_for_the_love_of_all_tha.php

Urself? U? Ur? Maybe you should learn how to spell. Perhaps your lack of literacy and social skills are due to some kind of mental disorder, so instead of just being annoyed by you I’ll feel sorry for you. But I’m still not going to call you.

If you think that because a person is a swinger, all you have to do is shout your phone number at her then you’ve got a lot to learn about swinging. As a matter of fact, you have a lot to learn about women in general. Just because someone is interested in sex it doesn’t mean that they will jump at the chance to have sex with you simply because you’re a living person. And if you had spent two minutes to read my profile you’d know I’m not really interested in men, anyway. If you don’t think you have enough personality to interest a girl with conversation, then I suggest you work on that and lay off MySpace for a while.

Is your caps lock stuck? Or have you just not learned proper email etiquette in your three weeks on this new thing called the internet? And if you’re going to try to insult someone, you should at least learn how to spell dyke.

You strike me as the type who assumes that every woman who won’t sleep with him is a lesbian. I suppose it’s easier to live with that kind of denial than to face up to the fact that you have nothing to offer, so any girl with any standards whatsoever would have nothing to do with you. I’m not angry at men, all of my best friends are men. While it’s true that I do prefer women, I fuck plenty of men. Show me an attractive, witty guy who can hold a conversation and I’ll show him my bedroom and I won’t expect him to call me in the morning. You can bitterly throw all kinds of insults at me now that I’ve rejected you, but it’s obvious you found me attractive enough to try hooking up with me in the first place. It’s unfortunate that you are so immature that you have no recourse but to get angry and insulting as soon as you realize that I get more (and better) pussy than you do.

Oh pookie, I’m not angry at all. I’m actually amused that you keep responding to me. And my friends are having a blast making fun of you when I forward them your responses.

I hope you get that caps lock problem fixed. Maybe it’s time to get a new keyboard if you can’t figure out how to turn it off.

By the way, do you think you could use a few more exclamation points the next time you respond?

Something tells me that fucking you wouldn’t be very much fun.

I’m not sending you anything until you:
1. Learn how to properly capitalize your sentences.
2. Learn to use punctuation.
3. Learn how to spell “you”, “are”, “yourself”, and “your”

Wow, it took you a really long time to finally get it through your head that you weren’t going to get any. You must be really desperate.