The other night, I was hanging out with a group of friends, and I experienced something I haven’t experienced in quite some time. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember the last time this happened to me. I was the Odd Girl Out. I was sitting in a room full of couples, and I was the only one not attached to another person. I wasn’t particularly uncomfortable. I mean, we’re all friends. Heck, I’ve slept with (or plan to sleep with) at least one person out of every couple that was present. It was just this new feeling, and I was acutely aware of the situation.
As the night wore on, couples peeled off to go home or to bed, finally leaving me, Lucky, and Lucky’s most recent interest, Aurora. Again, this wasn’t an uncomfortable situation, just different. Aurora is a really cool chick, and I’m really happy that she and Lucky are hitting it off so well. As the three of us sat around chatting, Lucky gently caressing her leg, I realized that this was yet another situation that was usually reversed. Lucky, Mechanic, and I frequently hang out drinking, watching movies, eating dinner, and doing other social things (none of which involve sex). In these situations, I do my best to pay equal attention to everyone, but occasionally I think I may pay slightly more attention to Mechanic. While this isn’t completely intentional, there is a purpose to it. I think that I sometimes worry that Mechanic will feel slightly excluded when the three of us are hanging out because Lucky and I are married. I fear that he will feel like a smaller part of my life because he and I don’t have a legally recognized relationship, and we don’t live together. So I find myself doting on him just a little bit more. Giving him a few more passing caresses. Stealing a few extra kisses, here and there. And Lucky is great about this. He doesn’t mind at all. At least, he doesn’t seem to, and I love that he’s so understanding.
And so when the three of us – Lucky, Aurora, and I – were sitting together the other night, I did my best to show Lucky that I was fine with him paying more attention to her than to me. I encouraged it. I think it was great that we could change roles for once, putting me in the role of the understanding, confident, encouraging spouse while he was free to shower her with his attention. I wished I could think of a good excuse to leave the room for a few moments to give them a chance to get slightly more intimate, but I wasn’t sure I could do it gracefully.
I think it’s experiences like these that remind me of what it might be like for the other people in my life to observe and participate in the dynamic that unconventional relationships create. It can be fun and exciting, but it can also be awkward and delicate. And I wouldn’t change it for the world.
