Week three of the Month of Yes seemed to be the week of missed connections. A week that at first appeared packed with a lunch date every day and a drink date every night produced only four actual dates. It’s enough to damage a girl’s ego. But things happen: work gets in the way, appointments come up, and old friends pop into town. I didn’t mind having a slightly more relaxed schedule than I had originally anticipated.
R. – The broken lunch date
I have to admit, I broke the rules of the Month of Yes and broke one of the dates myself. I was scheduled to have lunch with a guy on Monday with whom I’d had an almost painful email exchange. In the spirit of the Month of Yes, I tried to overlook his almost incoherent opening email and the cheesy pictures of him sporting a sleeveless shirt while sitting in front of his “hot vette,” as he described it. As the date drew nearer, I dreaded it more and more. Finally, on the morning of the date, I just couldn’t stand it any more. I knew it would be a colossal waste of both his time and mine for us to go on this date. I emailed him, telling him that I didn’t think we’d be a good match, and that I was sorry that I’d waited until the last minute to cancel. As soon as I hit Send, I breathed a sigh of relief. Month of Yes or not, dating should never be painful. So, to justify the broken rules, I feel I must give you a taste of what I passed up by showing you the initial email I so begrudgingly responded to (for the sake of his privacy, I’ll refrain from showing you the pictures):
Hello, you would be what I would normally looking and you might feel the same way but what the hell R. from west seattle. And do think your cute that why.
Yes, folks, that was the whole thing. And it only got worse from there. My only regret is that I didn’t get to find out if he was this incoherent in person, or if he was just one of those types that had some kind of bottleneck between brain and keyboard.
M. – Lunch
M.’s initial email to me certainly wasn’t among the worst, but it could have been a little bit better. He didn’t mention anything I’d said in my ad, which made me suspect he’d sent the same thing to most of the other girls on the site that day. He leaned toward the listing method when describing himself (“Some of my interests are: film, photography, physics, philosophy and writing.”), and he made the mistake of making judgments about himself that should really have been left up to me (“I’m fun, funny and smart.”). His picture wasn’t bad, but it didn’t really grab my attention. When I replied, I asked him to elaborate on what it was about my ad that had “intrigued” him, and it led to some pretty good conversation. I wasn’t sure if there would be an attraction between us, but I figured we’d at least have some interesting conversation over lunch.
On Wednesday afternoon, we met at a Mexican restaurant near my work for lunch. He was a few years older than me, but not bad looking. I was right about the conversation; we had a lot of fun chatting over tortilla chips and burritos. By the end of lunch, I still hadn’t decided if I’d see him again. I just couldn’t quite decide if there had been a connection there. Actually, I’m still not quite sure. I haven’t emailed him again since that day, but it hasn’t been that long. Maybe I’ll make another date with him after the busy Month of Yes to see if there’s any more connection over drinks.
E. – Drinks
In his first email to me, E. wasn’t very eloquent, and his grammar could have used a little work, but he was sweet and energetic. I was a little worried that the only picture that he sent was of a tattoo on the back of his head, but for the purposes of the Month of Yes looks didn’t matter much, anyway. Still, this isn’t a tactic I’d recommend for a normal response. We met at a quiet bar for drinks and chatted for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, I’d had a stressful day at work, and I had trouble staying energetic and talkative. He took up the slack nicely and kept the conversation going. I apologized for my mellow mood, and he was quite understanding. I knew there was no real attraction, but he seemed like a cool guy who’d fit in really well with my group of friends. Since he mentioned that he was looking for new friends after moving here from the east coast, I figure I’ll invite him out with the group sometime for drinks.
S. – Lunch
While reading his opening email, I got the impression that S. was just a little too hung up on his own physical appearance. He mentioned his “flat stomach” and “nice hams” a few too many times for my taste. Had I paid a little more attention to the other details in his email, I may have been a little less surprised when we met for lunch on Friday. I was expecting a cocky, young guy to walk through the door in a sleeveless shirt, but what I found when I turned around after hearing my name was a balding, gray-haired, 50 year old man in a collared shirt and sweater vest. He was, admittedly, in decent shape for his age, but certainly not at all what I’d pictured. As we chatted over lunch about politics, traffic, his job, and foreign countries, I just couldn’t shake the notion that I was on a date with a man old enough to be my father. He was a nice, intelligent man who owned his own very successful business, and I’m sure he would have made a wonderful date for a woman more his age. However, I just couldn’t connect with him. The next day, when he sent me an email asking if I’d like to get together again, I replied to let him know that I’d had a really nice time at our lunch but wasn’t interested in seeing him again.
M. – Drinks
M.’s initial email was friendly, mentioning a few things I’d said in my ad and telling me a few things about himself in a natural way with only a little listing. His picture didn’t grab me, but in our ongoing emails he seemed like a pretty nice guy. We had originally intended to see a burlesque show together, but I felt worn out that night, so we met instead at my favorite quiet, little local bar. When I walked up to his table as I entered, he got up to hug me, but I politely cut him off and greeted him with a warm hand shake. I’d advise men not to try to get too intimate too quickly, no matter how cute their dates turn out to be. Some people just aren’t huggers and are protective of their personal space, so getting too close too quickly can seem creepy. Over the next couple of hours, we had a great chat about art, music, and other related topics while we sampled some of the specialty drinks on the bar’s menu. We certainly had fun chatting, but I wasn’t sure I’d really enjoy spending more time with him. He was quite a bit older than me (although not quite so much older as S.), and we didn’t seem to have much to talk about other than art. Sure, I appreciate the arts, but I think we had pretty much exhausted my interest in the topic by the time we said goodbye. When he emailed me the next day to inquire about a second date, I told him how I’d enjoyed our conversation but hadn’t felt any chemistry, and I said goodbye.
Montana – A second date
After a cancellation on Sunday, I was happy to score a second date with the adorable Montana, whom I’d had drinks with the previous week. She introduced me to a cool new bar in West Seattle where we chatted and drank for an hour or two. Around midnight, as the bar prepared to close, she asked if I’d like to take a walk on the nearby beach. I agreed, and she drove us to our next destination. The air was thick with the smell of salt water, but the night was nice and warm. Being so late on a Sunday night, it was pretty quiet out except for the waves on the beach. We walked along the beach, chatting some more, until we came to the end of the walkway. There we stood, admiring some of the enormous houses along the waterfront and starting to feel a little shy. We smiled coyly at each other a few times and giggled. “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to be shy,” she joked, and then kissed me softly. One kiss turned into another, and then another. She ran her hands along my neck as I slipped my arm around her waist. We walked back along the beach with our arms around each other, stopping occasionally for another kiss, until we reached her car. It was late and, as much as I would have liked to have spent more time with her that night, we both had to be at work in the morning. We kissed again and confirmed a date we’d made for the following Saturday night. As I drove home, I couldn’t help but imagine what we’d do when we could spend an entire evening together without worrying about getting up early the next morning.
