In Bed With Misty Kaye #2

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Running Time: 45 minutes

Show Notes

• It’s the 4th anniversary of my podcast! Can you believe I’ve been doing this show (off and on) for four years? I’m celebrating with a contest, and entering is easy. Simply leave me a voicemail at 206-350-6955 or record your own message and email it to TheGirl@herknees.com. I’ll play all of your messages on my next podcast and announce the winner. Additional entries can be made by posting a link to my new dating research group on your web site and leaving a comment here to let me know. The dating research group link is http://groups.google.com/group/datingresearch. One lucky winner will get a beautiful and oh, so sexy Glass Dildo from Babeland. A prize worth $80!
• This special anniversary podcast wouldn’t be complete without a product review. Listen to my review of the Crybaby (pictured above).

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955. And be sure to follow me on Twitter to find out when our next LIVE broadcast is so you can join me in the chat room or call in and be a part of the fun!

There was a time when the public believed that women entered the world of adult films as a result of abuse, coersion, and addiction. But over the past two decades women like Jenna Jameson have taken the image of the poor, pathetic porn star and squashed it with their 8-inch platform heels. A new generation of powerful women have taken the reigns of their sexuality and their careers. As one of the most successful adult film actresses to date and frontwoman of her own production company, Teravision, Tera Patrick has certainly embraced the image of the empowered porn mistress. But a peek between the covers of her new book, Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love and Porn, shows a more vulnerable girl beneath the surface that falls somewhere between the meager women of yesteryear and the Girl Power proponents of today.

Amidst the pages of black and white and full color photographs of the beautiful star, the reader learns about Tera’s early estrangement from her mother, the disappointing and disturbing loss of her virginity, and her spiral into pot and valium addiction as she attempted to make it as a model overseas. But her entry into the world of adult modeling and films marks the beginning of her road to empowerment and, eventually, to love. In fact, the entire second half of the book reads more as a love story than a porn memoir. While there are titillating descriptions of weekend-long rough sex marathons with husband Evan Seinfeld that prompt worried neighbors to call the police, the sex in this book isn’t as graphic as Tera’s fans may expect (or hope for). What they get instead is a touching tale of how love pulled her through some difficult times and helped her become the strong woman we know and lust today.

If you’re looking for an erotic read, you won’t find it here. The sex in this book is downplayed by the love, heartbreak, and true human element. However, if you’re a fan of Tera Patrick or the porn industry in general, I think you’ll really enjoy getting under the surface through this page-turning account of the star’s life and career.

I know that you enjoy my sex toy reviews, but there are so many wonderful toys out there that I can’t possibly try them all myself. That’s why I encourage my readers to share their experiences with sex toys by calling in to my podcast, recording audio of their review, or simply sending an email with their thoughts. Reader Saithix was generous enough to send in his review of the famed Fleshlight. Enjoy!

Feel and Texture

Well, what can i say about the Fleshlight other than it looks like a big flashlight. The toy offers an intense and realistic feel, similar to a blowjob and vagina. The butt orifice, however, feels nothing like anal sex because a real anus pushes down on your penis and provides the intensity of a tight squeeze. The vagina orifice does come close to the real vagina, but in order to get a truly real feel you should warm it for about 10 minutes. So if you’re hot and horny and not patient you may have a problem.

After a few uses of this product it does become sticky. The manufacturer tells you to put corn starch on it, but I honestly don’t think you need it because once it is wet you won’t even notice the stickiness. The smell of the product isn’t that potent at first but once it is used a few times it begins to become noticeable. It’s not that bad, though. All i can say is that it’s not a toxic smell like some other toy products have.

Pros

1) Some of the orifices on this product are intense. Certain ones, like the stamina training unit and the forbidden (Fleshlight Girls), are incredible. In fact, they are so good they might make your wife or girlfriend jealous.

2) The Case. It’s always good to hide things from the ones you love such as your wife, kids, or parents. Of course, they just might think you have one big-ass flashlight as long as they don’t look at it for too long.
[Misty disagrees that it's good to hide things from your wife, while begrudgingly acknowledging that not all partners are open to the use of sex toys.]

3) Selection in color, cases, and orifices. We men get bored after a while using the same thing over and over again, and that’s whats good about the Fleshlight. They have many different styles of orifices with different feels. Now that’s something to bargain for! I just wish they would come out with new orifices at least every 6 months to a year.

Cons

1) Takes too long to prepare. I mean who wants to wait 10 minutes for the product to warm up? That’s like getting a cock tease at a strip club and not being able to do anything until you get home.

2) Cleaning up. Cleaning this product is one thing, but not being able to get it dry in the middle inside is a problem. Make sure you have a fan because its gonna be sitting on your bed for a while to dry up.

3) The suction is very weak. I had this thing fully sealed and felt very little suction. This is something they should try to improve on future versions.

Overall Rating: 7 out of 10

If you have a toy you’d like to review let me know by emailing TheGirl@herknees.com.

In Bed With Misty Kaye #1

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Running Time: 1 hour, 1 minute

Show Notes

• The show has a new name and a new intro to go with it. Welcome to In Bed With Misty Kaye!
• Racer X joins me on the phone to review the Crystal Wand Honeydipper Deluxe. We also talk a little bit about men’s sex toys in general. Oh, and for those of you that were wondering about the material of this product I got word from Racer X that it’s plastic.
• During our call, Racer X and I declare March the Month of Ass! And who better to focus on during the Month of Ass than Tristan Taormino? Be sure to check out her upcoming workshop in Toronto, Ontario. And if you’re not lucky enough to be in Toronto this week you can always check our her book and videos.
• In honor of the Month of Ass, be sure to revisit a View From My Knees classic – my fantasy about getting a new butt plug: Butt Slut Fantasy
• Tristan’s not the only one holding anal play workshops. Those of you in New York and Seattle can attend Babeland’s Bend Over Buddy and Everything Butt(sex) workshops. For more info, check out Babeland’s web site.
• To celebrate the Month of Ass I’m giving away free Anal Sex buttons to everyone who leaves a comment in this post before March 15th. (sorry, only available to residents of U.S. and Canada)
• And finally, be sure to listen all the way through the end of the show to my new intro/outro (complete with moaning from a real sexual encounter) and let me know what you think. Don’t worry, if you say you don’t like it I’ll still send your Anal sex button.

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955.

The Sound From My Knees #41

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Running Time: 59 minutes

Show Notes

• I’m starting a new trend of podcasting naked from my bed, and I’ll be encouraging my guests to crawl into bed with me on future podcasts. Perhaps this will spark a new name for the show? In Bed with Misty Kaye? Leave your ideas in the comments.
• I discuss my recent poll Have you joined the mile high club and I tell you about having sex on trains.
• I delve into the G-Spot controversy, which has been reignited by a recent study and then I play you a clip from a recent episode of Skeptics Guide To The Universe in which they also discuss the study. I then tell you the results of my poll where I ask you to weigh in on the subject.
• And finally, I play you a review of the Ellove vibrator by Fun Factory.

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955. And join us in the chat room every Sunday afternoon at 3pm Seattle/Pacifictime so you can call in and be a part of the fun!

The Sound From My Knees #40

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Running Time: 1 hour 1 minute

Show Notes

I won Babeland’s All I Want holiday contest! Check out their announcement here. Then listen as I open each beautifully wrapped gift and marvel at its smooth lines or fancy buttons. Follow along with the links below to get a good look at all of my new toys.

• Ellove vibrator
• Bo Cock ring
• Babeland Beginner’s Strap On Kit
• Entice lubricant
• Form 6 vibrator
• Cry Baby remote vibrator
• Mystic Wand vibrator
• Babelube
• Glass Dildo
• Better Than Chocolate vibrator
• Sexy Bunny Dual action vibrator
• Freestyle music-responsive wireless vibrator

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955. And join us in the chat room every Sunday night at 8pm Seattle/Pacifictime so you can call in and be a part of the fun!

The Sound From My Knees #39

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Running Time: 61 minutes

Show Notes

It’s Global Orgasm for Peace Day! This is the day when people across the globe dedicate their orgasms to world peace. And I’ve decided to help the cause by giving you my own ode to orgasms. In this “best of” edition of The Sound From My Knees, you get to hear a compilation of all of my best orgasms from previous shows. Enjoy! The toys included on this podcast are:

• The Waterproof Power G
• The Ideal Vibrator
• The Layaspot Vibrator by Fun Factory
• The Climax Maximizer
• The Wahl 7 in 1 Massager
• The Bnaughty Vibrator by Bswish
• Sonic Cock Ring
• Deluxe G Spotter
• Hello Kitty Vibrator
• Babeland Odyssey Tickler
• Flower Balm

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955. And join us in the chat room every Sunday night at 8pm Seattle/Pacifictime so you can call in and be a part of the fun!

The Sound From My Knees #38

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Running Time: 54 minutes

Show Notes

In this episode you get to listen in as Simone, Reyna, Avalon, and Amy Nicole join me to watch and review The Crash Pad. Some of the audio is a little hard to hear over the movie, but I promise that if you listen carefully you’ll hear some very hot talk between 5 very sexual ladies.

And while you’re listening, be sure to check out Amy Nicole’s web site to learn more about her and see some very hot pictures.

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955. And join us in the chat room every Sunday night at 8pm Seattle/Pacifictime so you can call in and be a part of the fun!

We in Seattle are some lucky sons of bitches. Every year, for the past 5 years, a local Seattle weekly, The Stranger, has held a contest for the best amateur porn and made an honest-to-goodness film festival out of it. Over several nights Seattle audiences are treated to two hours of the best porn our friends and neighbors can pack into 5 minutes and then we vote on the sexiest, as well as the funniest. Once the festival is over the videos are destroyed, allowing our local porn stars to return to normal life without fear of becoming accidental internet sensations. This year the contest was extended to The Stranger’s sister paper in Portland, the Portland Mercury, and the festival got a fresh round of entries from first-timers. The Portland showing of the films is coming up shortly, and the awards will be given out sometime after that, but Lucky and I were scored tickets to the sold-out Seattle showing and we’ve made up this mini-review of all of the entries.

If you’re in the Pacific Northwest and would like to see them for yourself, you’re in luck! I’m giving away two free tickets to the Portland festival this weekend, and winning is easy. Just leave a comment on this post and let me know you’d like to be entered into the drawing. Our winner will be announced Thursday evening, so hurry up and start leaving those comments!

Oh, I almost forgot! As some of you may remember, I decided to do a little something extra when I went to see the films and tested out a new toy. This new toy was a vibrator that responds to ambient noise. I figured the device could help me decide which film got my vote based on the “buzz factor.” So, in addition to my ratings for humor, sexiness, and overall quality, I’ve included the rating my little toy would have given the film.

And here are the reviews…

Dance belt

The jist: One skinny man and two toned ladies do an exact reenactment of Beyonce’s Single Ladies video in the nude (well, except for the high heels – yes, even the man) in their dance studio (complete with a naked cameraman).

My thoughts: The dancing in this video was phenomenal. I can’t imagine the hours and hours of practice and studying it must have taken to get every move just right. And casting a man – a very talented man – in Beyonce’s role provided nonstop entertainment. The nudity wasn’t particularly erotic, but it was titillating and fun to watch.

Spoiler: The grand finale includes a 10 second explosion of money shots.

Lucky says: casting a man? I feel more like there was a guy who already knew the dance and just needed to find some girls to back him up. Also, there were some lovely shots in which the camera would zoom almost uncomfortably close to our mustachioed leading man for just a split second before returning to normal, adding an extra dash of comical absurdity.

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 2
Overall Quality: 4
Buzz Factor: 4

Citizen Came

The jist: A shaggy-haired Portland masturbator sets out to blow 10 loads in 10 Portland locations in just 24 hours. His adventures include VooDoo Donuts, among several other outdoor Portland settings, a teddy bear mask, and doing terrible things to a wide array of animal statues.

My thoughts: Maybe it’s just my undeniable crush on the entire city of Portland speaking, but I was enamored with our hero from the moment he came on screen. His antics were hilarious. So much so that this film got my vote for Funniest film in the festival.

Lucky: Those statues were asking for it, the way they were dressed.

Humor: 5
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 4

Full Swap

The jist: An overhead security camera catches two couples going at it on a sofa in stop motion for…god knows how long.

My thoughts: What could have been a boring one-shot look at two couples having tons of sex on a couch was made a little more interesting by making it time-lapse it up to give it that stop-motion look. The sex looked hot, but without the sounds or close-ups on faces or genitalia it wasn’t particularly arousing. Still, I have to give one of the couples a lot of credit for giving the Energizer Bunny a run for his money.

Lucky: Yawn, relatively speaking.

Humor: 2
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 2
Buzz Factor: 2

Boys Beware

The jist: Presented in the style of a 1950′s educational film in black and white, Boys Beware warns young boys about the dangers of the…gasp…homosexual man.

My thoughts: This film was really well done and a funny poke at homophobia. But when they cut to the stylized color bathroom scene where “young” Johnny and his “predator” get busy, it goes from funny to hot instantly. So much so that this one almost got my vote for Sexiest film, but was beat out by a couple of horny housewives.

Lucky: I am a sucker for all things stylized and parody, but when the actual sex started, the cameraman seems to have accidentally hit the 80s music video filter. I mean, unless he did that on purpose.

Humor: 4
Sexiness: 5
Overall Quality: 5
Buzz Factor: 3

Read My Lips

The jist: A classic tale of two avid readers meeting in a Portland book store, falling in love, and…getting it on atop a bed full of book pages. And not just getting it on, but performing a wealth of sadomasochistic acts using books as, among other things, spanking devices and come rags.

My thoughts: This film was well done, cute, and fun to watch, but it didn’t really do much for my libido.

Lucky says: Paper cuts much?

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 3

I’m Hard

The jist: A rap video featuring a hardcore dick. No seriously, the rapper is a big erect penis wearing a baseball cap telling all the other rappers how much harder he is than them. Hi-lar-i-ty.

My thoughts: The concept was funny, and the execution was funny, but there was nothing sexy about this film. It was more like something on Youtube that would be passed around your friends for a week or so and then tossed aside as something new made the rounds.

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 1
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 3

The Good Book

The jist: The age-old tale of a nun caught wearing Mormon undergarments paying contrition by getting fucked by a priest with a mohawk.

My thoughts: The production value on this film was pretty low, but it still had some redeeming qualities. Even though the plot was right out of a bad porn movie, the sex was hot enough. And I have to admit I was digging the tight-bodied asian nun. Had the production been a little better I think I would have been able to appreciate this one a little more.

Humor: 2
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 2
Buzz Factor: 2

How To Please Your Man

The Jist: Larry King interviews an enthusiastic dick sucker.

My thoughts: The integration of the dick sucking interviewee with actual clips from Larry King Live are flawless, right down to the scrolling ticker at the bottom. The dick sucking demo is fun, titillating, and hilarious and Larry’s reaction shots had the crowd roaring. This one was a close runner-up for my Funniest Film vote.

Lucky: The actress in this piece hammed it up just a little bit too much for me, which is saying something. Fortunately, the premise, technical execution, and dick sucking all made this a winner for me.

Humor: 5
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 4
Buzz Factor: 4

Beyond Gay

The Jist: A sexually frustrated gay man and lesbian try satisfying their urges with, ew, each other.

My thoughts: There was no actual sex – or even nudity – in this one, but it was endearing and hilarious.

Lucky: Notable for being directed by acclaimed local director Lynn Shelton in response to a challenge from Dan Savage.

Humor: 4
Sexiness: 1
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 3

Incubus

The Jist: A dark and artistic submission, Incubus features a dirty young woman in a puddle of filth touching herself and being caressed by the filth-covered hands of an otherwise unseen demon.

My thoughts: This film, while incredibly disturbing, was a true work of art. I don’t think I found it particularly sexy, but it was so beautifully done that I could hardly blink while it was playing. Maybe it’s my fascination with horror and the macabre, but I was in love with this submission. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn me on enough to be voted Sexiest and it certainly wasn’t the Funniest submission of the festival, so I couldn’t vote for it to show my enthusiasm for its overall high quality.

Lucky: So pretty. The part at the beginning where the girl leaks all over the place wasn’t my scene, but I generally appreciated the rest. Could’ve used a few more aplets if not cotlets.

Humor: 1
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 5
Buzz Factor: 2 (most of the audience was mesmerized during the film)

Dumpster Humpster

The Jist: A sexy and comical look at dumpster diving culture, featuring hot Seattle men getting it on in dumpsters.

My thoughts: I cringed when our hero started rolling around and getting naughty in the dumpster, I laughed when he made sexual innuendos with a footlong sub sandwich, and I did a little bit of both when he began rolling around in a dumpster full of wet, sticky dough. I’m always a fan of hot men having sex – and there was plenty of that in this movie – but the humor of the situation took away from any actual arousal I may have gotten from the titillating man love.

Lucky: What do you call a donkey punch when you do it with a baguette?

Humor: 4
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 4

Sex Moves 102

The jist: Two couples – one straight, one gay – demonstrate an array of sex moves that make audiences both laugh and cringe. It’s safe to assume anyone who sees this film will never watch the movie Carrie again.

My thoughts: If I didn’t know better, I’d think this film was made by the people over at the Midwest Teen Sex Show. The humor was great, the scenes were played with pizzazz, and the audience was roaring. This one was a close runner-up for my vote for Funniest film, but just couldn’t quite compete with the hot Portland boy humping animal statues.

Humor: 5
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 4
Buzz Factor: 4

Violet Uprising

The Jist: A disturbing lesbian puppet-sex film with an even more disturbing ending.

My thoughts: What appears at first to be a gothic scene of female joy reveals itself as an extremely creepy lesbian puppet sex scene. I’m just not sure I needed to see what puppet genitalia looks like. This film was fascinating and a bit shocking – even creepy at the end – but not particularly sexy or funny.

Spoiler alert: Just when I thought the puppet sex couldn’t get any creepier, the scene ends with an old puppet man in a wheelchair peeping at the girls through a hole in the wall and furiously whacking it. The come shot (yes: a PUPPET COME SHOT) got quite an audience reaction, moving the Buzz Factor of this film from a 3 to a 4.

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 2
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 4

Maximum Overload

The Jist: A young man enters the world of Virtual Reality and gets busy with a hot alt girl.

My thoughts: The production value was low, the premise wasn’t original but worked, and the pink-haired virtual girl was adorable. The twist at the end made it more interesting, but in general this film didn’t do much for me.

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 2
Buzz Factor: 3

Trolley Tryst

The Jist: A Seattle couple gets it on aboard Seattle’s beloved S.L.U.T. (that’s South Lake Union Trolley, for you non-locals).

My thoughts: I am in awe of the bravery of this couple. At first we thought we were going to see the allusion to having sex on the trolley and then some staged scenes somewhere else, but when they actually started getting busy right there the audience went wild. I am dying to get in touch with this couple to interview them about their movie-making shenanigans.

Lucky: This should inspire a “Biggest balls” award. I still can’t believe someone did this. Talking to someone about it after, apparently the scene where they get caught happened partway through filming. That is, they had sex on the streetcar, got caught, and then got right back on and finished up. Cue slow applause.

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 4
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 5

Guess Who’s Cumming To Dinner

The Jist: A man has vegetables delivered to complete a special meal for his boyfriend’s return from abroad and gets more than he ordered when the hot delivery boy cums inside to help unpack his load.

My thoughts: We immediately know where this story is headed when our protagonist, wearing nothing but an apron, opens the door to greet his hot delivery man. But the execution was fun, and I always enjoy the hot man sex.

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 3
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 3

The Password

The Jist: An extremely graphic depiction of male submission and humiliation including nipple clamps, cigarette burns, whips, and, of course, lipstick.

My thoughts: The premise could have been set up a little better. We open with a man being chased by a woman demanding “the password.” The password to what? I know it’s porn, and it’s only 5 minutes long, but if you’re going to try to introduce a story into your film you need to actually have a story. We are then treated to another 4 1/2 minutes of bondage, torture, and humiliation. I can’t say this part wasn’t sexy. It didn’t turn me on, but I have to imagine that someone who is into this kind of scene may have found it very erotic. Judging by the reaction from the audience, however, I’d guess that most HUMP attendees were more appalled than turned on.

Humor: 2
Sexiness: 2
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 5 (She did some really fucked up shit to his balls)

The Modern Housewife

The Jist: Another 1950′s instruction film, this time showing adventurous housewives what they can do with a box of saran wrap while their husbands are at work.

My thoughts: I was in love with this film from the very start. The set, costumes, and makeup were flawless. I wanted to eat those housewives up for breakfast. The acting was superb, and the premise was adorable. And, of course, the sex was hot. This one got my vote for Sexiest.

Humor: 4
Sexiness: 5
Overall Quality: 5
Buzz Factor: 3

I Went To A Party And Had A Dream

The Jist: A shaggy-haired man falls asleep at a party and misses a fuckfest going on at the other end of the sofa.

My thoughts: It was a cute idea, but I wasn’t terribly excited about this one. The twist at the end did induce a roar of laughter from the audience, though.

Humor: 2
Sexiness: 2
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 3

Our Ruinous Love

The Jist: In this BDSM love story, a couple explores all of the things in the house that can possibly be fit into a vagina.

My thoughts: The production value was a little low on this one, but the shock value was high. I wasn’t turned on by it, and I’m not sure the filmmakers cared. While I would agree that the things they did are a turn on for them, it seemed like the purpose of their entry was to shock the audience. It worked. We’ll never look at a whisk the same way again.

Humor: 2
Sexiness: 2
Overall Quality: 2
Buzz Factor: 4

Fuck

The Jist: A flamboyant Mexican drug lord applies a poison to the cocks of the two top LA detectives, promising the poison will spread to the rest of their bodies the moment they become flacid.

My thoughts: The production value was a little low, but not too bad. The story was cheesy, but fun. The sex was more silly than sexy. I wasn’t really into this one, but it gave me a chuckle or two.

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 2
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 2

Cyclust

The Jist: A succession of still images set to music depicting two adorable lesbian cyclists falling in love and into bed.

My thoughts: This was adorable. Of course, this film just fed into my crushes on Portland, cyclists, and lesbians. It wasn’t my favorite in any category, but it was sweet and sexy and I really liked it.

Humor: 2
Sexiness: 4
Overall Quality: 4
Buzz Factor: 2

ET2: The Dark Territory

The Jist: Elliott is all grown up and has a lust for his childhood friend in this homoerotic tale.

My thoughts: This one made me laugh and cringe, and got quite the audience reaction. But I have to admit, I got the joke early on and was ready for it to be over sooner than later.

Humor: 3
Sexiness: 1
Overall Quality: 3
Buzz Factor: 4

The Sound From My Knees #32

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Running Time: 1:03:59

Show Notes

• In this episode I am joined by Joe from SuperDPS.com.
• I know you all love them – it’s another product test! This time, I test out Flower Balm, a stimulating gel from Babeland.
• After that, Joe and I answer some sex surveys and discover new positions such as Advanced Missionary and the Reverse Cowgirl Crab.

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955. And join us in the chat room every Sunday afternoon at 3pm Seattle/Pacifictime so you can call in and be a part of the fun!